For some, Christmas Eve means midnight mass or other church service that celebrates the birth of the Savior, Jesus Christ. For others, it’s a time for gathering around the tree or the fireplace and singing carols while sipping eggnog (perhaps laced with brandy, rum, or bourbon), while opening just one present before Santa Claus brings the real loot the next morning. 

This month, I thought I’d share some of my favorite real estate Christmas carols – with apologies to the original lyricists. 

Feel free to sing along with this one if you’ve ever driven to a pop-up Christmas tree store, picked out your favorite, and had it tied to the roof of your car only to get home and struggle getting it into the house.

(To the tune of O Christmas Tree) O Christmas tree, I curse at thee. You won’t fit up the stairwell. My condo hall is much too small. I’m thinking this won’t end well. I want a tree to decorate but you will not cooperate, so Christmas tree, I’ll donate thee to some deserving charity.

This next song may serve as an annual reminder to winterize your home and have your chimney inspected.

(To the tune of The Christmas Song) Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. I forgot to check the flue. Smoke now billowing into the room is causing us to cough and spew. As we run outside to catch our breath and clear our heads, our eyes are watery and red. Next year, never fear, I’ll be sure the flue is clear or serve popcorn instead.

Have you ever wanted to bang on the ceiling of your apartment to tell your upstairs neighbors to celebrate more quietly? If so, here’s your song.

(To the tune of Do You Hear What I Hear?) Said my husband to me on Christmas Eve, “Do you hear what I hear? Listen, it’s coming from upstairs! Do you hear what I hear? The groans, the moans, the squealing of delight. They will keep us up through the night.” I replied, “You’re probably right.” 

A good landlord will make sure you have the proper tools to keep her property in good shape, but it may come at a cost, as this song explains.

(To the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas) On the 12th day of Christmas, my landlord gave to me: 12 furnace filters, 11 child-proof latches, 10 LED bulbs, 9 picture hangars, 8 bristle brushes, 7 tubs of spackle, 6 smoke detectors, 5 cans of paint, 4 tubes of caulk, 3 flood lights, 2 window locks, and a raise in my rent for next year. 

Last year, the pandemic kept us from seeing loved ones over the holidays. As you decide whether to venture out this year, this song may be on the tip of your tongue.

(To the tune of I’ll be Home for Christmas) I’ll be home for Christmas. Covid won’t stop me. Triple vaxxed and double masked, I’ll see my family. I don’t need to fly there, take a train or bus. I can drive to meet them or Zoom there if I must.

As you hang your stockings on the fireplace mantel and put cookies and milk out for Santa on Christmas Eve, remember whether you’ve been naughty or nice this year when you sing this song.

(To the tune of White Christmas, with paint in Sherwin Williams 0055) I’m dreaming of a white kitchen just like the one I saw today, so I need to plan it with Sea Pearl granite and accents of stainless steel. Maybe I’ll have a blue island to go with walls of Light French Gray. And I’ll add some white subway tile before all those things go out of style.

And for my Jewish friends, whose Hanukkah celebration came early this year, I couldn’t let the holidays go by without a Christmas song for you too.

(To the tune of I Saw Three Ships A Sailing) I ate Chinese on Christmas Day. My Christian friends were all away. They know that I don’t celebrate with turkey, green beans and dressing. There was no need for me to cook or entertain in the breakfast nook, so I went out for Wonton Soup, some Peking Duck, and a Mooncake. 

So, my friends, as I close out 2021, let me serenade you with this last little ditty to show my appreciation (to the tune of We Wish You a Merry Christmas).

I wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope you get all your wishes. I’m thankful for all you bishes, and I’ll see you next year!

Valerie M. Blake is a licensed associate broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH Real Estate. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs

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